I’m trying to incorporate eye makeup again after all these years. By all these years, I mean since around the late 70s when I heard mascara was made of bat guano. Turns out bat guano mascara is an urban legend, maybe the first that impacted my life.

Eye shadow

Even though I knew it was not true that the ingredients in my mascara included bat excrement, the thought alone was disgusting. Over time I began to use eye makeup less and less, then only on special occasions. Like they say use it or loose it. Eventually, I lost the mastery.

Maybe that’s a good thing. My signature baboon butt blue eye shadow with thin black liner and black mascara is no longer the height of fashion in the new millennium. Definately not for my age group. For over 60s apparently the fashion is matte neutrals. But what do they know… A little shine never hurt anyone.

Even though smoky eyes may be a risk for over the 60 plus woman, when I receive an email touting the new Bobbie Brown smudge-able eyeliner I can’t resist. I rush to the mall where I purchase dark brown instead of the black of my youth because someone online says black on women over 60 is too harsh. The sales clerk demonstrates that it smudges, sets, then can’t be rubbed off. I am envious as I watch her smear the liner on her hand, so smooth and not the least bit crepey. “Lotion” I note mentally.

Non-smudging necessitates eye makeup remover. I go to another counter where I say, “I’m out.” I don’t mention I’ve been out since the 90s to the young, probably twenties young sales clerk assisting me.

I make my decision between three products she describes, then I come around a counter to pay for my purchase. As I’m digging in my purse I hear her say something like, “Look at you! Don’t you look adorable! So cozy!” I’m thrown together in a simple black dress and black sandals with my hair clipped up in a black barrette. She can’t be talking to me. I turn around to see who the adorable woman is and no one is there. She says, “I’m talking to you!”

I’m so stunned I can’t respond.

I love to shop!