A Cigarette Story

Letting Go: Smoking and non-smoking, by David Sedaris and published in the New Yorker May 5, 2008, is bound to strike a universal chord in just about any American. At least it did in me. Smoking played a big part in my youth. My parents both smoked. So did extended family members. As a small child, I hated the smell.

Ashtray. ©D.L. Ewbank

Ashtray. ©D.L. Ewbank

No, this isn’t a piece of 1950’s science fiction inspired, contemporary aluminum art. For those of you born after smoking became taboo on airplanes, in offices, even in bars, this is an ash tray. If you light up that white, pencil-shaped object that contains tobacco, it burns. When it burns, it creates ashes. Flicking ashes on hardwood floors in residential homes was frowned on in polite society in the 1950s.

Ashtray, second view. ©D.L. Ewbank

Ashtray, second view. ©D.L. Ewbank

See the cigarette holder rising from the aluminum dish? How handy!

This ash tray was at my grandmother’s home. It was probably meant to facilitate that smoking habit so popular and sophisticated in the 1950s which was kind of thoughtful since my grandmother didn’t smoke. Nope, Mamaw dipped snuff, but that’s a different story…

Ashtray, third view. ©D.L. Ewbank

Ashtray, third view. ©D.L. Ewbank

At Mamaw’s home, there were no toys. Or were there? For me, playing with the ash tray was as much fun as any toy…because when I was playing with it, four cigarettes didn’t have a resting place!

 

Shower Massage signals adulthood

Choosing a Father’s Day gift for Daddy was always difficult. The hardest was summer of 1975, the summer doctors discovered Daddy, a life long smoker, had throat cancer and removed his larynx. This could be the last Father’s Day gift my dad received on earth. The gift needed to be special.

 

Showering. ©iStockphoto/Tihis

Showering. ©iStockphoto/Tihis

There are issues associated with voice box removal (other than the inability to speak). The main one is the hole it leaves in your neck. Simple things like showers can become threatening. So, I chose the hottest gift item of 1975 – the Shower Massage by Teledyne Water Pik. Daddy could not only adjust the spray, but also move the shower head below his neck because of the attached hose.

Daddy loved it immediately. If he was shocked it wasn’t another set of cuff links that would sit unused in his jewelry case, he didn’t say so. I was the shocked one when Daddy asked if I could install it for him. While Daddy thought women – or at least me – should be able to do anything in every aspect of life including the workplace, because he spent his youth on a farm he had clear thoughts about things that women shouldn’t have to do – things like home and car repairs, mowing the lawn, and taking out trash.

Never having handled so much as a screw driver, it seemed challenging. But I simple opened the package and following the directions was simple. Daddy seemed as proud of my installation efforts as his new shower device.

Daddy died the following September. The Water Pik Shower Massage stands as a signal-of-adulthood experience in my father’s eyes for me.

Journaling

Hiding in Amsterdam to avoid persecution of the Jews in 1942-44 could not have been the easiest of experiences.

Diary. ©iStockphoto/AndrejaD

Diary. ©iStockphoto/AndrejaD

We can know what it was like for Anne Frank and her family and four others through Anne’s record of daily events in the annex of her father’s business. They were discovered in August 1944 and taken to camps. Of the Frank family, only Otto survived. When he returned, Meip Giles, who had collected Anne’s writing and family photo albums, returned them to Frank. Learning of her intent to publish a work based on her experience after the war, Otto Frank decided to publish Anne’s writings. The book was favorably received. I read it in junior high school.

Not having been one to journal my life events, Anne Frank makes me consider the possibilities. As a sharer of my life story, I am encouraged by the fact that Anne’s experience continues to make an impact on the world long after her death. However, there was no assurance Anne’s work would have been preserved or eventually published after her death. So, encouragement might come from other benefits of journaling. Maud Purcell in The Health Benefits of Journaling on PsycheCentral.com indicates there is evidence that journaling impacts physical well-being positively. Both Purcell and C.M. Smith author of 6 Ways Journaling Will Change Your Life say it is a way to clarify what is happening in your life and how you really feel about it. Journaling provides us with insight into who we are which can assist in decision making.

Want to begin the practice of journaling regularly? Michael Hyatt has created a template to help jog thoughts in How to Become More Consistent in Your Daily Journaling.

I celebrated what would have been Anne Frank’s 85th birthday June 12, 2014, by seeing The Fault in Our Stars, based on the book by the same name. When Hazel Grace Lancaster (Shailene Woodley) and Augustus Waters (Ansel Elgort), two youths who meet in a cancer support group, travel to Amsterdam to meet the author of Lancaster’s favorite book, they aren’t welcomed warmly by the author. His assistance takes them on a tour of the city including the Anne Frank Museum. Anne’s short life echoes what these two youths face; they both are likely to leave this world too early.

Whenever we leave this life, it may always feel too early. Recording our lives leaves a chance we may live on in influence in this world even after our death.

Enduring kindness

Gentian (gentiana clusii) growing in the Austrian Alps. ©iStockphoto/Pferd

Gentian (gentiana clusii) growing in the Austrian Alps. ©iStockphoto/Pferd

The flowers I planted wouldn’t bloom before we left Vogelweh, Germany, to return to the United States. Two brothers that were my playmates feared I would be disappointed. They bought flowers, stuck them in the ground, then came to get me so I could pick them. Then they handed me a small package. Inside was a beautiful purple gentian (gentian clusii) pin to help me “remember the flowers of Germany.”

I never saw these military family boys again. The pin broke, then was stolen. But memory of hearts so kind they would plant flowers to avoid disappointment for a six-year-old girl hasn’t faded.